The Phoenix
Sitting here writing my first blog I have to say I feel very Carrie Bradshaw-ish…something I secretly craved but never thought I would have…for some reason I feel the need to introduce myself..having graduated last year from the University of Michigan I took a year of to relax, breathe, catch up on four years of sleep deprivation and basically sort out my life… adjusting to life in Lahore was easier than I had initially anticipated but like most people moving back after college I experienced the usual post college blues…waking up in the morning slightly disoriented, expecting to wake up in my little apartment in Ann Arbor, snapping at anyone in my family who dared to criticize me, craving the Thai food I liveddd on, no curfews, walking around the campus, the side walk cafes, thanksgiving trips with my friends to random destinations, and yes even the cruel cruel Michigan winter. So yeah moving back to Lahore definitely had its panic attack/suffocation moments but of course life here does have its innumerable advantages and so you learn to adjust. Anyway, when I finally arrived in Lahore I made a list of all the things I would do:
1. Gym
2. Learn how to drive (yes I know it sounds crazy but after a hilarious yet near fatal accident I just couldn’t get myself to sit behind the wheel)
3. Spend time with my family and rebuild/reestablish the bonds that have suffered because of the four years spent apart.
4. Finally read the Quran with the translation.(kinda defeats the purpose otherwise)
Anyway the year went by in a flash …of course I never did most of the things listed above...except finally reading the Quran and bonding with my family…now a year gone by and here I am going for my masters to London in two months…
At a time like this you look back on your life and start to reevaluate and critically analyze it…you think about what you have achieved and all the things you haven’t..which are usually greater…looking back on the last 23 yrs of my life I thought of about my childhood, the random games, ring around the roses (pronounced ringa ringa roses at the time hahaha) playing ninja turtles, earth garden river ocean sea, teacher teacher (haha)Atari etc, my first day of school and the tears when my father left me- the betrayal!!, choueifat and eight years of absolute joy, applying to college, the ecstasy of an acceptance letter and the four fabulous years at college. I thought about the people who mattered to me at all those different stages of my life, about promises made, promises broken, and about the few friendships that endured the test of time. I thought about the expectations my friends and family had of me and whether I was able to live up to them; I thought about what kind of a person I’ve been (daughter/ sister/ friend/ girlfriend). And of course I thought about all the frustratinggggg mistakesssss along the way that I so desperately want to take back but know I can’t.
When I was a kid I thought by 23 I would have it all sorted. I assumed that I would have finished college, I would have a great job and successful career, the perfect man who would adore me (intelligent, charming, hilarious, good looking, would take care of me, you know the kinda guy who kisses you on the forehead) I thought I would be self assured and oh so mature. Sitting here right now I realize I have none of that…no guy no job no career no definitive goals and maturity?!?! Ha I feel like I’m sixteen…I have always hated uncertainty I have always planned my life in a way that I know what will happen next year but today- I know nothing!!! And in a weird way (and I surprise myself when I say this) this is such a liberating feeling. Sitting here alone on my bed I know I’m content in a strange and wonderful way. Yeah I’m scared to death and my mind is cluttered with a million questions about how my life will be- will my life be ordinary or extraordinary? Will I be rich or poor? Will I live in my own little bubble or will I do something worthwhile for my country? Will I make my parents proud? Who the hell will I marry? Will he love and adore me? Will I be a good mother? Will I live to be a grandmother? Will I go to heaven or hell? How will I be remembered after I’m gone?!?!
Today I know nothing about the future!!!!!!! I berate myself for all the things I failed to achieve, all the mistakes I could have avoided, and the good advice I didn’t take, but something tells me everythinggggs gonna be alrightttt ( Bob Marley style) And about the mistakes that I kick myself about each night before going to bed?!?! Well I have chosen to accept the mistakes of the past and learn from them (actually I’m in the process of doing that)…you see each one of us has a unique personal biography (made up of values, motivations, emotions, goals, concrete experiences). This personal biography is shaped by our gender, background, class, religion, the society we live in and the decisions we’ve made thus far in our lives; both good and bad. If none of us had ever made the mistakes we have, if we hadn’t loved and lost, if we hadn’t swayed of course- we wouldn’t be who we are today.
This is how I see it- there is always going to be a disparity between the person you are and the person you want to be, and I guess that is what keeps us motivated, keeps us going, striving harder and constantly. As Paulo Coelho puts it, "But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for."So we have to keep believing in ourselves… we have to keep fighting for whatever cause we feel passionate about…we have to understand that we will fall…we will be dealt a few bad hands..we will fail..but like a phoenix if we can rise from our own ashes we will be stronger, wiser, happier and better equipped to deal with whatever is in store for us in the future! Inshallah!
The phoenix
37 Comments:
im going to be so not be here and be somewat serious and try to make some sence...
u know what...i could relate completely to wahat all uv said...and despite having stayed back on family insistance...i probably went through the same experiences in difefernt doses...and u know wat...
those experiences make me who i am today...and im kinda saying that to u...ur mistakes and experiences, godd and bad...wetheer they make u or break u, in the end contribute a whole lot in the kind of person u are today!
i know for a fact that after recovering from a big fuck up, iv stood taller and been more 'been there done that, bring it on'!
illl quote wat i said to a friend recently...having just recovered from a serious bitch war, i turned to my friend and i said..
"u know what, mayb it was unpleasant, but (lol)i havent learnt my lesson, id do it again if i had the chance"_because i hadnt done anything wrong(in my opinion, i think im losing relvence here)
lol..im being so random and not making sence..but im thinking that mayb u understand what i mean...
cant relate to the going away for college bit, in that sence i guess im still 'mummy daddy', but yes iv made 'applause worthy' mistakes...who were probably better teachers!
so yeah mehr,if it werent for the mistakes...life would be quite perfect...and how boring is that!lol!
shoot me cuz i made no sence here...im ot the serious talking type...but ur post inspired me to try.lol...if u notice my blog...the first frw posts were serious until i gagged and started writing the way i wanted...like an idiot...and im happier.
:D did u ask for a short opinion..ohim sorrry!lol!
2:40 PM
no actually you made perfect sense..and i never want short opinions :) hahaha
1:10 AM
now that we know about ure whole life whats next?hehe jk.beautifully put.cute pic below and always remember the phoenix.hopefully inshallah u will not have to rise from the ashes but just in case things get hairy scary remember the phoenix.i didnt know u had read the whole quran and its translation.cool and congrats.keep posting
10:29 PM
jarrar shah..there was nothing in the blog YOU didnt already know..ur lucky that way hahaha im kidding..well kinda..and i told u 3000 times i read the Quran..thats the only thing i really "achieved" this year...hmmm perhaps ur extra curricular activities may be causin some memoryyy loss!!! moo ha ha ;P
11:52 PM
nahzyyyy you have totally blown me away..you are so righttt..the grass is always greener on the other side..and we alwaysss want what we cant have..and whyyy o whyyy do we take people and the good things in our lives for granted..i guess its these "dhajkas" in life/the post mistake/what have i doneeee realizations that make us wake up n smell the coffee and make us do a total self check..and perhaps help us mend our ways..and the batman quote was " why do we fall?!? so we can learn to pick ourselves up again" or something 2 that effect...and ur rightttt experiences( good and bad) help us understand ourselves,appreciate true friendships and solid relationships and the world around us...you are one sexy and extremely bright babe-o-rama!! im impressed!
12:05 AM
yup gotta keep the faith!!! and shuttt upp it is me thats why its so cute hahahaha
2:30 AM
?!?!
2:58 AM
nahzi's doing wat u were doing...commenting without a blog.lol...i need to start hounding her to post!
9:16 AM
i think she will..and soon..shes already thinkin of topics!! but i have 2 hand it 2 u..ur the reason i started writin..cos of ur promises to read my blog hahaha..otherwise i was just show shquaredddd hehehe
9:24 AM
i cant beleive i read every word of the blog...what a blog is. but i loved it! i suddenly see meher tareen with different eyes.
since college is finishing for me i thut i was the only one who had a directionless life but i guess we all feel that way . the whole blog is so reassuaring...i feel as though what i thought were failures and bad dicisions are all just a part of growing up and we all made our blunders.
i totally agree with nahzat RINGA RINGA ahhaha even i didn't know the real name!
i dont want to grow upppp i hate it!! i want to be a baby again where every one wants to do things for MEEEE.
12:34 PM
rehannaaaa khannnnnnnnnnnn you just made me cryyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!! hahaha..outa pure shock and joy!!!i seriously dont know what to say!! i think for the first time in my lifeeee im speechless. thank you so so so so much..
2:42 PM
how the hell did u know that was han?
lol
btw, this is turning into a chat room
4:43 PM
oops, i thought anonymous was han...id managed to scroll right past hers...
my bad
4:46 PM
ive solved the mystery..anonymous = saba khan..hahaha..saba since u just got married you have embraced change and started a fresh..post college blues can be horrific..but since you have recently dealt with something farrr greater than graduatin from college(i.e marriage,cos u have to leave the house u've grown up in, not depend on ur parents in the same way,become a part of another totally alien family, be responsible as the bahu etc)i think u'll b just fine!!! :)
6:07 PM
"Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away." Carrie Bradshaw
1:58 AM
I googled my name and came across this, basically we share the same first and last name! Read your blog out of curiousity of what this other Meher Tareen is doing with her life. Everything you mentioned, well Ive been there. And Im still as confused now as I was then even though Ive married the guy, had the amazing kid, following my life ambition, ups and downs took place and have made me stronger...... but at the end of the day, I still feel sixteen, insecure and have no idea what Im doing with my life.
You posted your blog in 2005..... 2 yrs later any changes???
From one Meher Tarin to another.
1:37 AM
I am looking into getting the 32gb iphone 3gS, but I am worried about a few things. I am not careless, actually quite the opposite but accidents do happen, and I would rather not destroy a $800 phone. I do not fish, ski, or anything like that but I am worried I might get it in a spill, or get a bit of water on it. What is the best case that is semi water proof for the Iphone, that does not take any funcionalitiy?
[url=http://forexrobot-review.info]best forex software[/url] [url=http://afterlife.ws/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=2936]unlock iphone[/url]
12:49 PM
Bonjour I'd like to thank you for such a great made site!
Was thinking this would be a perfect way to make my first post!
Sincerely,
Laurence Todd
if you're ever bored check out my site!
[url=http://www.partyopedia.com/articles/circus-party-supplies.html]circus Party Supplies[/url].
9:47 PM
email to email penpal dating love site in swden [url=http://loveepicentre.com/]singles dating[/url] free indian dating http://loveepicentre.com/ bbw dating service
11:53 PM
This is my first post I'd like to congratulate you for such a great made site!
I was sure this is a perfect way to introduce myself!
We believe the only way increase assets it is usually a sensible belief to begin a savings or investing procedure as early in life as possible. But don't despair if you have not thought of saving your assets until later on in life. With the help of honest work, that is looking up on the best investment vehicles for your cash you can slowly but surely increase your wealth so that it adds up to a huge amount by the time you want to retire. Contemplate all of the accessible asset classes from stocks to real estate as investments for your money. A knowledgeable and diversified portfolio of investments in various asset classes will help your money develop throughout the years.
-Clare Grafton
[url=http://urwealthy.com]currency conversion [/url]
6:21 PM
patterson dental display floor [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/anti-diabetici.htm]anti diabetici[/url] smoking and atheletes http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/karela.htm health info on salvia lavandulaefolia http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/protonix.htm
antibiotics in mega farms [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/brand-amoxil.htm]brand amoxil[/url] fasten diet pills [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/viagra-professional.htm]us health care debate[/url]
2:31 PM
jersey city health department [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/catalogue/s.htm]Order Cheap Generic Drugs[/url] stress less furniture http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/aceon.htm the fat smash diet food list http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/dulcolax.htm
plum smoking chips [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/prilosec.htm]prilosec[/url] national heart month [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/cardiovascular.htm]medical solutions in omaha[/url]
1:36 PM
folks, useful webpage
how to make blog posts that will smash in your readers:
http://tinyurl.com/ylpn9g8
10:01 PM
http://online-health.in/antabuse/antabuse-drug
[url=http://online-health.in/baclofen/baclofen-pump-refill]color book about drugs[/url] hyper crush sex and drugs [url=http://online-health.in/avodart/avodart-clomid-diflucan-dostinex-glucophage-c]avodart clomid diflucan dostinex glucophage c[/url]
consequenses of not drug testing employees http://online-health.in/bisacodyl/bisacodyl-inducing-labor
[url=http://online-health.in/beconase/side-effects-of-beconase-aq]how to put drug dealer in jail florida[/url] drugs that decrease bone density [url=http://online-health.in/benicar/what-is-benicar]what is benicar[/url]
drug resistance syphilis http://online-health.in/aricept/aricept-namenda-actonel
[url=http://online-health.in/bactroban/bactroban-nasal-for-mrsa-prophylaxis]new drug smoke[/url] internet scams precription drugs [url=http://online-health.in/antifungal]antifungal[/url] clinical indication for sutan chemotherapy drug [url=http://online-health.in/azathioprine/azathioprine-and-immune-mediated-haemolytic-anaemia]azathioprine and immune mediated haemolytic anaemia[/url]
5:56 AM
mercedes c220 http://automoblog.in/motor-com/classic-motor-books mercedes 400e manual transmission
[url=http://automoblog.in/motorcycles/tempo-villiers-motorcycles]advance auto wearever brake[/url] mercedes 90 degree thermoswitch [url=http://automoblog.in/plymouth/need-specs-on-a-1966-plymouth-satellite]need specs on a 1966 plymouth satellite[/url]
street racing syndicate cheats http://automoblog.in/supermoto/yamaha-supermoto
[url=http://automoblog.in/motorcycles/husqrvana-motorcycles]automobile for sale philippines[/url] closed auto trailer rental [url=http://automoblog.in/moto/gta-san-andreas-patch-auto-moto]gta san andreas patch auto moto[/url]
atlee dodge aircraft http://automoblog.in/motorcycle-show/best-dragon-motorcycle
[url=http://automoblog.in/royce/royce-medical-products]banger racing pics[/url] play grand theft auto online free [url=http://automoblog.in/rally/easy-rider-rally]easy rider rally[/url]
6:22 AM
mercedes benz vaneo child seat http://carautonews.in/fiat/fiat-egypt auto musiems in orlando florida
[url=http://carautonews.in/car-racing/buy-cheap-street-racing-cars-in-the-uk]ford racing paqrts[/url] hall mark volkswagen [url=http://carautonews.in/dodge/spirt-dodge]spirt dodge[/url]
volkswagen of quad cities http://carautonews.in/automobile/automobile-auto-starter
[url=http://carautonews.in/audi/forest-green-audi-tt]wonderland auto mart[/url] automobile navigation systems reviews [url=http://carautonews.in/ducati/ducati-watch]ducati watch[/url]
automobile news release http://carautonews.in/fiat/fiat-1500-cabriolet
[url=http://carautonews.in/cadillac/cadillac-cts-v-carbon-fibre]cartersville auto parts[/url] rowe auto sales maine [url=http://carautonews.in/auto-com/auto-it-software]auto it software[/url]
8:23 AM
bollinger mobile homes texas http://www.orderphonetoday.com/mini-tvn8-quad-band-dual-card-with-bluetooth--item120.html send text message mobile phone [url=http://www.orderphonetoday.com/d6000-quad-band-dual-card-with-analog-tv--item30.html]cect a988 bluetooth quad band touch screen world mobile phone[/url] infinity of mobile
10:04 AM
joint lubricant http://xwe.in/shemale/shemale-with-women-las-puntas
[url=http://xwe.in/orgasm/girl-orgasm-masturbate]nina hartly anal[/url] adult chat web cams [url=http://xwe.in/blow/lyrics-to-blow-northern-wind]lyrics to blow northern wind[/url]
hot sexy porn strip pussy nude vagina cideo http://xwe.in/thongs/coed-thongs
[url=http://xwe.in/bdsm/bdsm-aspergers]free porn hot teenies[/url] free porn cleaning [url=http://xwe.in/toon/pin-up-toon]pin up toon[/url]
miyuki natsumi hentai http://xwe.in/teen-ass/bad-ass-poems
[url=http://xwe.in/bbw/black-bbw-tgp]cz hentai[/url] sexy robes [url=http://xwe.in/adult-video/shelf-bra-adult]shelf bra adult[/url]
free porn passwords darring http://xwe.in/erotic-stories/erotic-sex-fatasy-role-play
[url=http://xwe.in/ass-video/no-ass-at-all]hot nude sexy girls making out[/url] adult physiological calculations [url=http://xwe.in/gay-boy/gay-bdsm-leather-personals]gay bdsm leather personals[/url]
1:17 AM
medical programs at california univerisities [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/brand-viagra.htm]brand viagra[/url] purchase ramipril prescription on line http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/propecia.htm
fountain of health [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/antibiotika.htm]antibiotika[/url] infections in the blood [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/lipitor.htm ]polynephrotic kidney symtoms [/url] patella femeral syndrome
age based support health care rationing for the elderly [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/cleocin.htm]cleocin[/url] home remedy cure urinary tract infection http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/cipro.htm
list of medicine and fungi [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/hair-loss-cream.htm]hair loss cream[/url] homeopathic pills for breast enhancement [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/motrin.htm ]estrogen breast cancer [/url] art therapy in drug rehab
4:39 AM
stress free driving [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/]No prescription online pharmacy[/url] health articles on lesotho http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/erection-paquetes.htm
wal mart pharmacy online [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/categories/skin-care.htm]skin care[/url] planus drug [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/provigrax.htm ]prescription acne new acne medicine [/url] blood sugar is 191
boniva fda alert [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/cefixime.htm]cefixime[/url] wisconsin power of attorney medical forms http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/lanoxin.htm
health net federal [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/triphala.htm]triphala[/url] antibiotics sun [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/cozaar.htm ]fetus heart skipping beats [/url] muscle twitch spasm thumb
8:18 AM
shoes insoles http://www.thefashionhouse.us/moncler-sport-suit-for-men-white-item2293.html history fashion australia [url=http://www.thefashionhouse.us/?action=products&product_id=1128]fashion videos starring naomi campbell[/url] cassowary road fashion
http://www.thefashionhouse.us/44-shirts-size26.html replica chanel logo earrings [url=http://www.thefashionhouse.us/brown-armani-color12.html]mail order shoes[/url]
11:28 PM
ladies designer jeans http://luxefashion.us/beige-leather-bags-tote-purses-color5.html christian dior biography [url=http://luxefashion.us/bordo-men-color140.html]laurentide wolves[/url] pics of chanel perfume
http://luxefashion.us/on-sale-women-apos-s-long-sleeve-tops-type2.html laurence drozd syracuse [url=http://luxefashion.us/grey-black-women-apos-s-long-sleeve-tops-color177.html]see through clothes[/url]
3:12 PM
ladies tight stretch fashionwear http://www.thefashionhouse.us/?action=products&product_id=2025 wet clothes stories [url=http://www.thefashionhouse.us/black-grey-long-sleeve-tops-color24.html]italian jewelry designers italy[/url] diabetic socks and shoes
http://www.thefashionhouse.us/?action=products&product_id=1953 designer blouses [url=http://www.thefashionhouse.us/46-dolce-amp-gabbana-size4.html]chanel oval stamp[/url]
7:37 AM
download transformers 2007 movie [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_manufacturing_dissent/]manufacturing dissent[/url] bubba character children movie http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_the_return_of_allo_allo/ ankeny ia movie theather
kurt cobain movie [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_los_angeles/]los angeles[/url] drumline the movie sheet music from http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_reverb/ o the movie
zombie movie [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_true_blue/]true blue[/url] free music from the movie the wizz
movie about a lawyer harrison ford [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_being_john_malkovich/]being john malkovich[/url] how to use movie maker http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_moose_hunters/ halloween movie story
advantages of going to a play rather than a movie [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_resident_evil_extinction/]resident evil extinction[/url] harry potter 6 movie cast http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_the_edge/ french kiss 1995 meg ryan movie script
11:45 PM
movie paljas 1998 [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_angels_with_dirty_faces/]angels with dirty faces[/url] scary movie actresses http://moviestrawberry.com/hqmoviesbyyear/year_1940_high-quality-movies/ naruto snow princess movie
outdoor movie parties ny [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_diamonds_are_forever/]diamonds are forever[/url] clip daily free gay interracial movie trailer http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_the_five_people_you_meet_in_heaven/ mp4 movie clips
paris hilton sex movie clips [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_snakehead_terror/]snakehead terror[/url] the good german movie
best sex of my life movie [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_the_player/]the player[/url] babel movie note http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_around_the_world_in_80_days/ straight heads movie review
movie quotes stripes [url=http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_project_runway_australia/]project runway australia[/url] feast the movie wallpapers http://moviestrawberry.com/films/film_if_i_had_known_i_was_a_genius/ mr skins nude movie reviews
6:15 PM
[url=http://sexrolikov.net.ua/tags/Kayla/]Kayla[/url] Смотри и дрочи : [url=http://sexrolikov.net.ua/tags/%E4%EE%EB%E1%E8%F2%F1%FF/]долбится[/url] , это все смотри
2:23 PM
top [url=http://www.c-online-casino.co.uk/]uk bonus casino[/url] brake the latest [url=http://www.casinolasvegass.com/]free casino bonus[/url] unshackled no deposit hand-out at the chief [url=http://www.baywatchcasino.com/]online casinos
[/url].
9:25 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home