The Comfort of Conversation

I’m back!!! Have been wanting to write about hajj since January but have discarded many a draft as no amount of words can do the experience justice…I’ve decided to wait till I find the right words, realizing that might never happen hehe…work has given me a chance to travel, meet new people and learn new things...but recently I have noticed myself zoning out of meaningless conversations about angelina jolie and brad pitt, interesting presentations that are so long and repetitive I lose concentration, useless rhetoric, and random small talk…I feel like saying “ stop using these empty phrases and big words man sahi tarha batao kya hai” hahaha…which in effect has convinced me that no amount of books, movies, presentations, seminars, courses at college can teach you what you can learn from a one to one conversation with a friend/colleague/family member or even an acquaintance…and here I’m talking about a REAL conversation…an exchange of ideas/feelings/emotions/thoughts/experiences...be it sitting with a parent/grand parent/aunt/uncle/sibling/friend...listening to them recount a memorable experience that impacted their lives is absolutely priceless...listening to them dispensing advice or turning to you for some is again, in my mind, very fullfilling.

The thing is, God created us as speaking creatures and it is speech that distinguishes human beings from other species. Too often I feel we don’t open up/let others in and sometimes for good reason hehe…its difficult to trust…but too many friendships never go beyond that superficial stage because we have mastered the art, not of communication, but of small talk…my mom uses a saraiki phrase to explain such things...she says it’s a case of “ buss story story heyy khahani kujh koi nae” hahaha...that I would say is an apt and befitting description…. It's possible to talk endlessly about sports, fashion, music, work…But that's not enough. We need people with whom we can share our innermost thoughts/ideas/experiences…that’s the only way we can really connect with each other, beneath the surface.

Forget friends, even family members can and usually live in communicative isolation. We can live in the same house, watch tv like zombies for hours, eat together yet not communicate for days. It’s so easy to live in your own little corner, isolated in your room, listening to your own music, grappling with your own struggles. We need to be with others, not to watch television (although silent bonding is important as well and better than nothing) but to be together and communicate. Without such an exchange you can stifle in your own self-contained box and stagnate emotionally.

In Tuesday’s with Morrie (which by the way is a feel good/motivated must read) Mitch says, “ I spent so many hours on things that meant absolutely nothing to be personally: movie starts, supermodels, the latest noise out of Princess Di or Madonna or John F Kennedy Jr…why did we bother with all the distractions we did? Morrie had created a cocoon of human activities- conversation, interaction, affection- and it filled his life like an overflowing soup bowl.” Morrie said, “So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they are chasing the wrong things.” And that is soooo truee!!!

I think conversations give you a chance to build deep connections (re-build old ones) and explore entire worlds...they give you a chance to vent/to share/to listen/to learn/to give advice and receive it…you know the whole dukh sukh bantna philosophy is oh so comforting!! The resulting relationship is infinitely more rewarding! As the Telenor add says “talk less say more” “hear less listen more” or something to that effect!!!